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Week 5 Report: The Trade Extravaganza
Years from now, when the Colosseum buyin is $2.5M, your grandkids will ask: "Where were YOU on the morning of Tuesday, October 10th, 2023?" Whether you were driving, working, or even sitting right across from your boss talking and ignoring him to negotiate a deal (shoutout Zach) - it's more likely than not that you made a deal on that fateful day. Sleeper went into notification overdrive with update after update as 6/10 teams in the Colosseum picked up the phone and made a trade.
It all started at 11:18AM when Conlan finally secured Jerry Jeudy in a deal for Treylon Burks and a few late picks. The group chat began to stir, and Woppenheimer owner Tom Merrigan decided that it was time to make a massive move. Sitting at 0-5 with little draft capital, Tom would go on to make 6 (!!!) HUGE deals between 11:30 and 12:50. After all of the insanity subsided, Tom was left with a mind-boggling 14 picks in the '24 draft, and an extra '25 1st to boot. A truly league-altering hour and a half to say the least.
As a result, some of our contending teams got signficantly stronger for this year's championship race. Chris swapped Derrick Henry and all of his 24 picks for Ekeler and Montgomery, making him as win-now ready as anyone in the league. Zach traded Skyy Moore, Jaylen Warren, and signifcant draft capital for the next 2 years to land Saquon, Zay Flowers & Puka - firmly planting him in the race for this year as well as years to come. Nick FINALLY got someone to text him and gave up some picks, Alexander Mattison and hometown hero "Where Art Thou" Romeo Doubs for Derrick Henry, Aaron Jones and Chris "God Wins" Godwin. His team with a healthy JJ will be hard to beat. Conlan even got back in the action scoring Nick "No Knee" Chubb for a few small pieces.
All in all, it was a trading frenzy that turned fringe teams to powerhouses and gave Tom enough draft capital to start a second roster. Think that's nuts? Listen to this shit. Our 2024 rookie draft consists of 4 linear rounds of 10 picks, meaning 40 potential picks to be had on draft night. Three teams (Woppenheimer, Clam Linguine/Brodie & Marvin's Room) will have 27/40 of those picks. Chris and Conlan will be pickless in 2024, while Nick and Mike have only their 4ths left in the holster.
With that recap out of the way, we'll quickly shoutout Walter as our Matchup of the Week/Battle of the Bloodline champ. On the other side of the pillow, Conlan is our Big Dog of the Week for letting Walter Big Bro him. Our Week 6 Matchup of the Week is Vinny vs. Chris, a showdown between two 4-1 squads who should be competing for the bye all year. Lastly, because it has to be shouted out, good shit to VinDog for dropping the first 200 piece in league history. 🍀BOL🍀 to all Colosseum competitors in week 6.
Killian vs. Mike | Killian wins 130.2 to 111
Summary: There was chatter in some smaller FF circles that Ja'Marr wasn't on the same tier as JJ. We spoke before the game and I gave him permission to remind everyone what he's going to do next year when the tank heist is complete. He's given me his word that he'll go back to chilling after that 55 point explosion.
Conlan vs. Walt | Walt wins 124.8 to 99
Summary: The Battle of the Bloodline was close until it wasn't, with Big Bro taking the cheese on the back of a Kittle SNF blowup. After a slight stubmle against Zach, Walt rebounded strongly with a convincing dub in what was the highest caliber matchup of the year.
Vinny vs. Nick | Vinny wins 204.8 to 127.1
Summary: From the start of the game on Thursday Night, Nick was waving the white flag as muffled screams of "He has a family!" could be heard in the distance. Vinny got an average of 26 points from his players to the tune of 205 points - legitimately fucking ridiculous for an 8 man roster. Even after losing Achane, he should continue to pace the league in points. In addition to the loss, Nick lost JJETTAS for at least 4 weeks.
Tom vs. Chris | Chris wins 149.1 to 98.3
Summary: Make that TWO consecutive big scores for Mr. PPP, who is finding his stride to say the least. Not only did he get a dub, but he landed David Montgomery and Ekeler in the Trade Extravaganza. Don't let HIM get hot.
Tim vs. Zach | Zach wins 98.1 to 76.1
Summary: Call Zach a Green Bay fan for this game, because the win was cheesy. However, the mark of a great manager is knowing where the team is realistically at, and Zach took advantage of Tom's fire sale to put his team right on the same level as the newly upgraded super teams. This should be the last time he needs to rely on a bed-wetting to win, because he's got as much talent as anybody now.
Killian trades: Jerry Jeudy, Wan'Dale Robinson
Tim trades: Treylon Burks, 2025 3rd Round Pick (Via Mike), 2024 3rd Round Pick (Via Tom)
Summary: Persitance pays yet again, as Conlan finally landed his boy Jerry Jeudy. I will say that it is some cockamamie fuckin bullshit that Jeudy to Chiefs rumors starting circling the second after I made this deal. I will take a reading from the Book of Payesko and nuke this damn league if that trade does occur. If not, I still probably lose because Treylon has shown about as much as a nun in church so far in his career.
Tom trades: David Montgomery
Chris trades: Derrick Henry, 2024 2nd Round (via Chris), 2024 2nd Round Pick (Via Conlan)
Summary: In the first deal of the fire sale, Chris sniped David Montgomery for the Yeti and a few late second round picks. In terms of long term value, Tom probably made out like a bandit here. For what Chris needed in an RB, this was a perfect deal for him to unload some later capital and acquire one of the hottest backs in the game.
Tom trades: Saquon Barkley, Zay Flowers
Zach trades: Jaylen Warren, 2024 2nd Round Pick (via Tom), 2024 1st Round Pick, 2024 2nd Round Pick
Summary: While the first two trades got the league buzzing, this sent the Colosseum into a full-on frenzy. Every 30 seconds, a new player was hitting the block. No sooner than they'd hit the block, a "trade was completed" notification would pop up. I almost crashed my car multiple times trying to track it. Zach got Saquon back only a few weeks after trading him to Tom, and got Zay Flowers as a cherry on top. Tom got a 1st to go along with his own 2nd and Zach's 2nd, putting more bullets in his 24 draft chamber.
Chris trades: 2024 2nd Round PIck (Via Killian), 2024 3rd Round Pick, 2024 4th Round Pick
Tom trades: Austin Ekeler
Summary: This is a deal cut from the same cloth as their previous deal. Ekeler's future is uncertain after this year, but Chris DGAF about that. As far as this 2023 season is concerned, he added an elite RB1 without having to deal any players. Tom gets richer and richer with picks as a result.
Zach trades: Skyy Moore, 2024 2nd Round Pick (via Mike), 2024 3rd Round Pick (via Mike), 2025 1st Round Pick
Tom trades: Puka Nacua
Summary: It seemed inconceivable that Tom would trade Puka, but he got a hot damn haul in return when he decided to move him. For some inside baseball level info, Zach shared that he was called into a meeting with his boss right after Tom placed Puka on the trade block. Knowing that he probably would be dealt by the time the meeting was done, Zach got a deal done while sitting right across from his boss. Truly elite stuff that we can all aspire to.
Tom trades: Nick Chubb
Conlan trades: Kenneth Gainwell, Keaton Mitchell, 2024 4th Round Pick
Summary: If Chubb does somehow return to form, this one could pay off. Not a bad gamble from Conlan dealing off some lower end lotto tickets. Tom adds another pick to the infinity gauntlet.
Tom trades: Derrick Henry, Chris Godwin, Aaron Jones
Tim trades: Alexander Mattison, Romeo Doubs, 2024 2nd Round Pick, 2024 3rd Round Pick
Summary: This was a MASSIVE deal for Nick after losing JJETTAS, as it should probably keep him from dropping off in production and will give him some tasty depth in case the injury bug strikes again.
Killian trades: Jerry Jeudy, Wan'Dale Robinson
Tim trades: Treylon Burks, 2025 3rd Round Pick (Via Mike), 2024 3rd Round Pick (Via Tom)
Summary: Persitance pays yet again, as Conlan finally landed his boy Jerry Jeudy. I will say that it is some cockamamie fuckin bullshit that Jeudy to Chiefs rumors starting circling the second after I made this deal. I will take a reading from the Book of Payesko and nuke this damn league if that trade does occur. If not, I still probably lose because Treylon has shown about as much as a nun in church so far in his career.
Killian trades: Tim Tebow
Tim trades: Bijan Robinson
Summary: This trade may look like "trade rape" to the untrained eye. With a more savvy examination, it can be seen that Tim Tebow's leadership capabilities are EXACTLY what Mike's locker room needs to turn this ship around. A fantastic deal for both sides.
