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Week 10-13 Report: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Did you miss these? No? Well we're back anyway. As the punter showdown of the century plays on my TV, I can't help but feel a slight tingle in my sack as the Colosseum playoffs approach. Even though I'm closer to being 6'8 than I am to making the playoffs, the fantasy football addict in all of us is ignited during the Christmas season and it's almost time to crown our first ever champion.
The anticipation and joy isn't just a product of the $1000 pot, or the chance to start a real dynasty (Vinny we're looking at you). It's a product of the comraderie that we've built in our short time as a league. In fact, it reminds me of the comraderie of Al Qaeda, once admired by 2019 Coach of the Year nominee Sean McDermott (fun fact he was nominated the same year he made the 9/11 comments). So, here's to the Colosseum, our comraderie, and those hoping to "blow up" in the playoffs.
SAVE THE DATE REMINDER: The first ever Colosseum championship game will take place only a few days after Christmas in week 17. As fate would have it, the final FF Sunday slate will take place on New Year's Eve this year. As we get closer to the date, we'll plan for as many league members to be present as possible, whether we do it on the 30th (Lions vs. Cowboys at 8:15), or New Year's Eve - be there or be extremely fucking square.
With that out of the way, congratulations are in order for our year 1 playoff teams: Vinny, Chris, Walt, Zach, Conlan and Nick. The seeding can change, but Vinny and Chris are virtually locked in as our byes. For the Report Content his week, I replaced the score recaps with the season recaps below. Next week we'll do regular season awards. The order of our first 4 picks of the draft are essentially locked in, so check that out below as well. Without further ado, 🍀BOL🍀 to all Colosseum competitors in week 14.
| CeeDeez Nuts |
Not a bad start to a dynasty league. All the guy has done is build an 11-2 roster full of young studs that should make him a contender for a long ass time. Like I said, not bad. Starting off his team with Ceedee and Tyreek was nice, but the "cock and balls" of this team came in rounds 7-10 when Vindog selected Kincaid, Pickens, Achane and Laporta with consecutive picks. He even took current RB8 bulletproof Brian Robinson in the following round. I'm not certain he didn't invert himself back in time TENET style after recapping that. He's the league favorite to win every chip until further notice.
| Scarface |
You don't go 10-3 by accident, and Chris was a prime example of that this year. Chef's kiss for his in-season management. He drafted Najee, Derrick Henry, and Dameon Pierce back-to-back-to-back in rounds 3-5, which should have been enough to sink his ship before the sails got any wind. Instead, Scarface turned water to wine and moved every single one of them before their value dropped off a cliff. To top it off, he selected Keenan Allen and Brandon Aiyuk in the following 2 rounds to add to AJ Brown & give him an elite WR room for the foreseeable future. He's facing some injury troubles at the current time, but if you've learned anything from what I just wrote - he's most likely got a few more tricks up his sleeve.
| JerryColapinto |
Even with his points against being the 4th highest scoring team in the league, Walt's anti-agism squad found a way to dominate week in and week out en route to becoming the 2nd highest scoring team in the Colosseum. Bolstered by his lucky charm Leonard Fournette, he is most likely the biggest threat to take Vinny down this year. The most impressive thing about this team is that he virtually sacrificed his 1st round 5th overall pick to Cooper Kupp and is still balling. He made up for it big time in rounds 8-10, selecting Kamara, James Conner and "steal of the draft" Mike Evans - who for some reason we all left for dead. Lastly, he's the only team in the league to not trade a pick. In fact - true to Walter's FF form - he hasn't made a single trade all year. You gotta respect a manager who's riding or dying with his guys.
| Back9Zach9 |
I'm just gonna say what the universe seems to be shouting at us: Zach has been chosen by FF forces beyond our understanding. This team of destiny made the most of Tom's week 6 fire sale and set up his team nicely for a playoff run and for the future. His 9-4 record is impressive, but it's even more impressive when you examine his draft. It gets forgotten that he selected JSN in the 3rd round, QJ in the 5th round (thanks for that flaming bag of shit btw) and STILL looks to be a 10 win team. How is that possible? How about selecting UMich legend Nico Collins in the 18th (!!!) fucking round. For context, Trey Lance was the pick before that (sorry Chris). In summary, it was an impressive 1st year of dynasty for the Back 9 specialist.
| Catholic Church |
If Zach is the team of destiny, Conlan is the cursed child. The man cannot catch a break as he has multiple losses of less than a 2 point deficit, including a DECIMAL loss against Tom. Truly fucked up. To find himself with a chance at 9-5 is a testament to some strong drafting and in-season management from the youngest player in the Colosseum. His draft was one of the strongest in the league, as his only real "misses" in the first 10 rounds were strictly due to injury, something most of us aren't able to say (I'm looking directly at Kyle Pitts). Additionally, his ARSB trade is shaping up to be one of the great heists of this season. His greatest hit was calling his shot on David Montgomery and putting Mike through a mental rigamarole for weeks until Jahmyr broke out. To end the season, the only thing he needs more than a change in luck is a time machine so he can stop his former self from trading the aforementioned DMont & Puka.
| Team TrustMePlease |
Another team that hasn't been able to catch a break this year, Nick's squad is still looking to put their best work together as he squeaks into the playoffs. After selling his soul in the trade with Tim, he only got to enjoy 2 weeks of a healthy JJ before he was hamstrung. Now finally (almost) fully healthy, he's got one of the most complete lineups in the league going into the playoffs. Looking back on his draft, Nick actually smacked on a few picks while not really completely whiffing on any in the first 8 rounds. ETN in the 3rd and Michael Big Tit Pittman in the 8th were his greatest hits in that range. There wasn't much to write home about after that, outside of one "TRUST ME" special - calling his shot on CJ Stroud and hitting in grand fashion. With a nice balance of young starz and win now players, Nick should be in the mix every year even if 2023 isn't his time to shine.
| Doug Gimmedome |
After a season that started in a state of constant despair, this team should have plenty to smile about for the future. Mike started his Colosseum life off with the gift of the century, delivered via Walt selecting 30 year old Cooper Kupp before Mike's slot, leaving Bijan to fall right into his lap. He went on to have a fine draft, though his season was soon hijacked by injury. His preseason trade for Jahmyr Gibbs left him temporarily hopeless, but it turned out to probably be the most even deal of the year, if not a win for Mike after all. As of now, he's a bit light on draft capital but probably won't need it if he can find just a bit more bench depth. His projected 2024 starting lineup should have an elite QB, two of the most valuable RBs in dynasty, above average to very good WRs, and an elite TE.
| Team Clam Linguine |
If you can remember the day of the draft, there was no one who was clowned harder than Tim/Brodie/Clam Linguine. He drafted 4 consecutive WRs and followed it up with D'Andre Swift and Cam Akers, and the chatter was that he wasted Lisa giving him the 1st pick. In the end, it looks like Team Clam Linguine might get the last laugh. He drilled his first 3 picks and made some sharp selections of Rashee Rice, Josh Downs, and Tyjae Spears. He also made some of the biggest deals of the year, trading JJ, Amon-Ra, and Swift for a haul of 1st round picks. This greedy motherfucker has 4 firsts in '24, 2 firsts in '25 and 2 firsts in '26. It might not be next year, but the Dawn of Clam Linguine is coming.
| Woppenheimer |
We may never see a season like this again for as long as the Colosseum exists. 3 weeks into the year, Tom had what was pretty easily the most impressive roster in the league. He couldn't catch a break in the win column, but his RB room was so loaded he had to put either DMont or Rachaad White on the bench for a stretch of time. When it didn't turn around in time to make a push, Tom made the business decision to cut bait and focus on 2024 and beyond. He is now the kingpin of picks in the '24 draft, while also retaining some nice young talent like Addison, Tank Dell & Keaton Mitchell. Given he still has 10 picks coming up, this roster might look a lot different next year, but the bones are strong.
| Marvin's Room |
As much as I want to suck my own pecker here, I'm going to shoot it straight. I had easily the most HORRENDOUS stretch of drafting in the Colosseum startup. Between rounds 3 and 7, I took Ekeler, Pitts, Lawrence, Christian Watson and Jeudy. Snap your fuckin fingers next year and aside from Lawrence that whole list of players could be a cloud of dust value wise. A couple trades and decent value picks/waiver adds have helped buoy me, but make no mistake about it - I earned the record I currently boast. Fortunately for me, Lady Luck decided to knock on my door and give me the pleasuring of a lifetime. Thanks to a preseason obsession with trading for 1sts, I'm about to land 3 top 4 picks in one of the most loaded wide receiver classes of all time. Like I said to start these recaps - not. bad.
PROJECTED DRAFT ORDER
PICKS 5-10 TO BE DECIDED BY PLAYOFF FINISH
Tim trades: 2024 3rd Round Pick, 2025 3rd Round Pick
Tom trades: Bryce Young
Summary: Zach had to deal with a lot of hoopla after trading Bryce for a single third, but it appears he may have just been timing the market. Tim adds another young QB to his arsenal and Tom adds his 1 millionth picks.
Conlan trades: Jaylen Warren, 2024 3rd Round Pick (via Sizzle), 2024 3rd Round Pick (Via Mike)
Tom trades: Dameon Pierce
Summary: I'm not going to pretend to understand this one, but both guys made out pretty good without moving the needle much in either direction. This could sneakily be a "2020 hindsight" deal if Pierce or Warren eventually break out.
Chris trades: Nathaniel "Tank" Dell
Tom trades: Dallas Goedert, Alexander Mattison, 2024 2nd Round Pick, 2024 3rd Round Pick (via Nick), 2024 3rd Round Pick (via Vinny)
Summary: If you need any more evidence this is a business, look no further. Chris made a difficult but necessary move to bolster his team for the playoffs, while Tom unloaded some of his ungodly draft capital for a young star in Tank Dell. While it'll sting to watch a guy he sniped in the 19th round play well in the future, Chris snagged the 11th pick in the 24 draft along with other pieces for a fine reward in return. After letting the deal breathe for almost a day, this was a textbook win-win as it stands.
