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Playoff Recap
Winston Churchill was famously quoted saying "history is written by the victors." Today, our inagural champion will literally write history as he etches his story onto the virtual walls of the Colosseum. Can you feel Nick cringing yet? If not, this should do it.
The inaugural season of the Colosseum proved one thing undoubtably, it’s better to be lucky. Throw whatever spreadsheet you have at me, but things like Vinny drafting three star rookies or Zach winning 10 games really goes to show that the Rothschild’s are cruel gods. Trade for whoever you want, Gabe Davis is going to make sure he’s on the wrong side of your lineup.
Playoffs did not disappoint in the slightest, especially if you were rooting for the Church. Can’t say it was a stress-free or an expected run, but it taught me life’s most important lesson; Literally never stop talking shit. Losing, winning, doesn’t matter. Live fast, die young, leave an angry funeral. Speaking of, let’s recap those playoffs: (below this section)
It was a barn burner of a season, and the feeling around the league is that there will be new contenders next year. We still got Kill’s standup coming up which he’s surely not going to flake on. The draft is loaded and our four toilet-bowlers have stockpiled picks for some power going into next season. Wish all the best going into next season.
My advice: go to Church, pray you don’t gotta play me.
The Rookie Draft and 2023 season punishment are tentatively set for May 3rd.
League Voting Decisions for Rookie draft: Trade deadline Y/N, WR Position limit 8 to 9, Optimal lineups
"My team. My mind."
Back9Zach9 vs Catholic Church: Felt like Zach was living on a prayer the whole season and it could have kept going. Still, two zero’s in the Church lineup couldn’t stop the inevitable Death by CMC. Timing couldn’t have come better since Amari Cooper was one was week away from turning his controller on.
JerryColapinto vs Trustmeplease: You’re probably expecting me all to say it, but I’m not going to. You’ve had to hear me say all season how playing Pay is basically a free game because his team is trash and his negotiating is dirt. Not going to throw more salt in the wound. Good win by Walt.
Catholic Church vs Vinny: How do you beat the two top WRs in the playoffs? Don’t ask me, I closed my eyes and got blackout drunk. Zack’s magic had to go somewhere and clearly I took it. It looked like this was it, staring down the barrel of the gun and you’re married to Courtney Love. In true Church fashion, I was saved by a black man parading as a white man, Death by CMC.
JerryColapinto vs Sizzle: Felt like a fitting game for both teams. Walt’s win-now team underperformed for most of the season and Chris’ 11-3 record seemed to get less attention than Vinny’s 11-3. At the tail end of three miserable Diggs weeks, the old-timers just couldn’t keep up with Chris’ team peaking at the right time.
Catholic Church vs Sizzle: An early 28pt Breece game had this one looking dark. I stayed calm, cool, collected, walked over to Victory Brewing to find Chris and tried to up the ante another $100. He refused and my team felt it. Luckily I just had to wait until the Niners play the Comma- fuck CMC’s hurt.
This one was all you could hope for in a championship. 5+ Win% changes in the 1pm slate and at one point only a 27% win chance for the Church. Chris’ late trade strategy of acquiring Ekeler + Aaron Jones (combined age: 57) ended up as well as both their seasons, poorly. Late game greatness by James Connor and Davante Adams (combined age: 59) salvaged the game and brought home the 1st Colosseum to the People’s Champ, the Catholic Church.
Round 1
Round 2
Round 3
Round 4
Walt trades: 1.07
Mike trades: Dak Prescott
Summary: Walt went the entire year without trading a single player, or a single pick. Then, all it took was a few Miller Lites from Delea at the bar to get him to trade for Dak right in the middle of the playoffs. Don't ask how much Dak scored after Walt traded for him, and don't ask what type of players will be available at 1.07.
Nick trades: Aaron Jones
Chris trades: 2.09
Summary: Chris was swinging for the fences with this one & you can't blame the man for making a deal a few days before the chip with question marks in the lineup. It didn't pay off, but Nick probably has a better chance of hitting the powerball than the 2.09.
Conlan trades: Brock Purdy
Tom trades: 2024 2.10, 2025 2nd Round Pick (via Conlan)
Summary: A nice deal for both teams. Tom adds balance to his QB room and Conlan gets some of his picks back.
Mike trades: 2024 3.08
Zach trades: Chase Brown
Summary: Pretty snooze worthy deal but it'll be difficult to select a player near the end of the 3rd with the upside of Chase Brown. Regardless, it was extra depth and Zach gets some more picks this year.
Mike trades: Chase Brown, 2024 3.03
Tom trades: 2024 2.06
Summary: Turns out Mike was just playing FF stock market, and he made out with a nice return in this one. All in an honest day's work.
Mike trades: Rashod Bateman, Jameson Williams, 2024 2.02, 2024 2.08
Tom trades: Tank Dell, 2024 2.05, 2024 3.05
Summary: This was a relative shock to the Colosseum fans around the globe, as Tom traded a promising young piece for some upgraded picks and some high draft capital players who have yet to pop. We've seen Tom be on the right side of these "timing" trades before, so don't count him as getting less here.
Tim trades: Parker Washington, 2024 1.08, 2024 2.04
Tom trades: 2025 1st Round Pick
Summary: Tim is fading Tom hard as fuck here. Just looking at this trade gives you anxiety. Seesms unlikely to cost Tom but could blow like Hiroshima on Brodie. They don't call him Big Balls Brandt for nothin.
Killian trades: Kyle Pitts
Tom trades: 2024 1.08
Summary: Tom is the MVP of the trade heartbeat of this league. Putting Pitts on the trade block just to ruffle Mike's feathers ended up getting a deal done, giving Marvin's Room 50% equity stake in 2024 round 1 :)
Mike trades: $20 FAAB
Tom trades: Dameon Pierce
Summary: Tom fleeced
Conlan trades: Rhamondre Stevenson, $5 FAAB
Tom trades: Jerome Ford, 2024 2.01
Summary: Should be a nice deal for both guys yet again. Thanks to Conlan for accepting so that the next deal could happen.
Tom trades: Demario Douglas, 2024 2.04
Killian trades: Jahan Dotson, Quentin Johnston
Summary: This trade gives me anxiety typing it again. Jahan and Quentin both seem like they can only go up, but I'm a whore for 24 picks and Tom has picks a plenty.
